Hearing Aids in the Wrong Places - Part 2

It's not just orange juice that does strange things to hearing aids, but also sugary drinks and coffee. Massive amounts of water, either hot or cold, will do it. A boiled hearing aid sounds clean and germ-free, but let's face it... That's enough heat to most likely melt the case and some electronics as will time in the microwave. Radio Shack or any other electronics houses don't have anything small enough for a replacement.

Water flumes count in terms of massive amounts of water, which leads to her having a good point related to roller coasters if they have water ponds around or just plain rocky areas. Then there's all the feet around. But don't forget other amusement park rides. I mention in Hearing Aids vs Humans of my being on a roller coaster and in Growing up Deaf - Part 7, the hearing aid encounters the toilet...

We've never seen a fish wear a hearing aid, so we know we can't tuna fish (tune a fish). Just make sure the hearing aid never makes it to the bathroom, either worn or unworn. You do know what Part 7 said above...? A flush is all it takes to lose the thing.

And the final thing you never want to see your hearing aid is heading at high speed away from you, shot from something like a slingshot or a projectile weapon. Its final destination could be in massive amounts of water, somewhere between a rock and a hard place, smack in the grille of a speeding Mack truck, or part of someone's BBQ.

The same thing can easily apply to the cochlear implant's external part.

Hearing Aids in the Wrong Places - Part 1

But of course, we all know there's places to never put a hearing aid. Jennifer Stuessy's The 10 most dangerous places for a hearing aid has a good listing, but probably is missing a few places we never think about.

She mentions never to put it on a nightstand, but inside. Or better yet, never place it out in the open in an area where there's a lot of things being picked up, put down, spilled, sprayed, including the kitchen sink. It's rather easy to sweep the hearing aid on the floor or crushed on a hard surface like a table. And then when it hits the floor and you have a cat that loves to bat things around... Fried and bat-tered hearing aids, anyone? Here at home we've still not found all the balls our cat's hidden.

You do know you can't drink ground hearing aid (from a garbage disposal or coffee grinder) even if you put it into the coffeemaker?

Next - Part 2

Humor: It was so cold...

This recent spate of extremely cold weather seems to have broken quite a few temperature records. Means everyone has to dress warm and take care of themselves a bit better. Those with walking issues may not be able to get out very well if at all.

Jamie and I came back the weekend morning just before the cold snap from being out at Target and Walmart. It rained some, and the rain let up just enough when we got home. I used my walker to get from the car to the garage into the house, but I had to move slowly due to possible ice. Fortunately, no ice and I didn't slip. I told Jamie later on that I wasn't going to go out again til the snow and ice on the driveway melted. Had I slipped and fallen, I could have gone down for good, needing medical help.

Post-Surgery Right Knee - Part 5 mentions what happened in 1982 when we had a big snowstorm and it was cold. Post-Surgery Right Knee - Part 4 talks about a big snowfall in Kentucky some time ago, 1994 or 1995, I think, where it was bitter cold and I was trying to shovel the driveway.

One of the funniest stories posted on CNN's site is It's so cold, humor edition.

Quite a few "It was so cold..." comments in the article. Most of the time, comments degrade into flame and/or political wars namecalling, and foul posts, but not here. Some are quite hilarious. I came up with a few...

It was so cold, that when I tried using my phone's speech to text software, the battery got very warm and the display showed "[chatterchatterchatter]." (or "It's warm, Jim.")

It's so cold that you don't need an ice cream maker. Just mix up everything and set it outside.

It's so cold that people can retire their refrigerators and freezers, instead just throwing everything outside.

It's so cold and icy that when I go to work, I don't need to walk. I have an oversize slingshot...

It's so cold, that a bullet/round from a weapon never reaches its destination, instead just freezing a few yards away.

It's so cold, that words come out of your mouth visually, no sign language needed.

It's true when they say laughter is good medicine as it warms the heart. It warms the body, too.

Recipe: Emeril's Christmas Bread

Imagine someone who doubled a bread recipe and the results nearly took over the kitchen with a lot of rising bread dough. If anyone's familiar with the classic I Love Lucy show when she was cornered by a huge loaf of bread coming out of the oven, this is kinda like this. The bread went BAM back...

But of course, Jamie and I had a good laugh reading this. We'll have to make it sometime.

Emeril's Christmas Bread: A story of 2 loaves, 3 colors, and 1 frightened baker

The recipe is at the end of the article.

Funny Moment 12: Imploding TVs

Back when I was moving from KY to VA, I had this storage room that required me to go up a flight of steps. I managed to clean up the space, tossing at least half the stuff in there, leaving just a small neat pile. One of the things that went down the steps was a TV. I wasn't in much of a mood to carry the thing down. So, I pushed it down the steps.

*crunch* *pop* *crash* *thud* *bounce* then *BOOM!* when it hit the bottom, landing front side down.

Impressive. The noise was amplified by the wooden stairway walls, sounding somewhat like when a fluorescent tube hits the ground but a more deeper boom. It wasn't even much of a mess since the back of the TV tube imploded inwards.

Funny Moment 11: Human vs Elevator

Another time when I attended NTID, there were many of us who were a bit on the nutty side. Various students managed to find ways to abuse and confuse the elevators in the Ellingson dorm building, known as Tower A. I managed to make it think it was opening up on 7th floor when it was actually on the 6th. A trip down to the basement reset its floor identity crisis.

There was this one day I said bye to my friend as the elevator door was closing. Then I ran down 10 floors and made it right in front of the elevator on the ground floor just as it was opening. I couldn't resist.

"What took so long?"

The looks of some of the people getting off the elevator were priceless.

Phyllis Diller Passes at 95

The entertainment world lost a comedy legend. Phyllis Diller passed away at 95. I wasn't born yet when she started, but I was hearing about her comedic acts here and there. And the wigs and other stuff she wore including that LONG cigarette holder... Seems that kind of thing added to her acts.

"I bury a lot of my ironing in the backyard"

Only problem when I dig them up, the zombies beat me to it.

"His finest hour lasted a minute and a half"

Groucho Marx's hour lasted more than a minute and a huff.

"I love TV. It's not my fault if the tubes blow out when I laugh."

I like mascot costuming. It's not my fault if the fake fur falls out when the kids approach.

Let's wear a fright wig sometime in honor of her.

http://tv.msn.com/tv/article.aspx?news=751919

I know I'm way late again... We're losing good comedians and actors.

Funny Moment 10: Subway Misdirection

A year after 9/11, I was in NYC for some personal business. I managed to get all the travel logistics figured out including how to get to a friend's place in Queens on the subway. But for some strange reason, I used FOUR lines rather than two.

As it turns out, I got on the wrong line, but it fortunately got me in the direction I was going. A quick map check showed me a few stops ahead was a line I needed to get where I was going.

I get on it. Only problem was that it was an express. Oops... Fortunately, the right train I needed was right ahead. I get off and wait for it to come along to take me to the fourth line to my final destination.

Fortunately, things went well after that. Can I say I'm a veteran NYC subway rider?

The Avengers and Adoption

Just what is it with Hollywood and the movie industry these days that has to make stereotypical jokes? The Avengers isn't quite a comedy movie, but it does have its moments. The scene where Hulk slams Loki into the ground multiple times pretty much killed the entire theatre. I kinda expected to see people rolling down the stairs/aisles.

The subject of adoption over the years has been a serious one. Nothing funny about it. Those who were adopted were essentially given a second chance at life. Adoptees are not bad people. It's more of sociological and environmental issues that can shape a person's life.

Thor's flippant "He's adopted" comment could easily be better. Most likely a better line would have been "He's my brother, though he was adopted and his background was from those who are worse than us." Shows his love, but also his distaste for Loki's actions. Probably would have taken all of a minute to deliver that line. For those who have or haven't seen the Thor movie, that's still a good and neutral line.

We know children, in all their innocent wonder, can easily translate this into thinking that they're bad. In the Change.org petition, Marvel Comics: Marvel Comics - Apologize to Adoption Community!, Jamie made mention of children thinking just this.

One blog claims that Jamie's asking for a boycott. Not quite. If one reads the title carefully, it says "Marvel Comics: Marvel Comics - Apologize to Adoption Community!" Nowhere in the text does it have the word boycott. Just the word apologize. Big difference in definitions.

Adopted people aren't bad. They've just been given a second chance at life when the birth parents can't or won't take care of them for various reasons. My birthmom had her reason, and that one I can understand and don't blame her for putting me up for adoption.

Funny Moment 9: Silly String

When I attended NTID, there were a few times I'd heard about and seen Silly Stringed hallways in the dorms. It gets even more impressive when you cover someone else with the stuff.

A friend and I were talking a bit and I had a can of the stuff in my hand, talking in the doorway of the dorm room. One girl walks by, and I give her a short burst of String spray. Next thing we know, she's screaming her head off, trying to brush the stuff off her while running down the hallway. Needless to say, my friend and I were nearly on the floor laughing til her boyfriend comes up and close to me. "Don't you ever do that again" he said.

It could have been worse, but we were too far gone laughing. I was only able to stop briefly til he left before we just fell over laughing again.

Last time we laughed like that, we were watching Brewster's Millions. The baseball game scene where John Candy's catcher character was insulting the batter put us on the floor for the next 5-10 minutes. We had to stop the movie til then.

Bringing Down the House 3: Classroom presentations

This was shortly after what happened in the Bringing Down the House 2: Panels post, about a semester or two later. I had to do a presentation as a class requirement. It was based on the Internet's Request for Comments, known as RFCs. They're technical papers that propose protocol changes or other events like that to the Internet. In some places, there's humor, and I decided to include that.

So, come presentation time, I mentioned some of the things mentioned in there, the more common stuff. Then I added in some of the more unusual stuff including the more hilarious ones. By the time I nearly get to the end of the presentation, everyone's laughing some.

All I had to do was show the final slide and step back:

"RFC #3999: The Henny Youngman Proposal
Take My Professor, Please!"

The entire classroom was rolling including the teacher. I got an A for it.

Funny Moment 8: Make Me Laugh

Before we had to have passports to get back into the States from Canada, we used our drivers licenses. Today, you can't get back into the States without the passport.

I was at a Canada/US border crossing gate being interviewed by the guard, ID out.

Guard: "Got anything to declare?"
Me: (I'm in a Geo Metro hatchback) "Nothing to declare, but I got a bag of M&Ms if you want some (I hold it up), and a broken water gun in back if you want it (clearly seen in the back)."
Guard: (laughs) "You may go."

That's probably the only time I've gotten a guard like that to laugh. These days, it could easily get you in trouble.

Funny Moment 7: Drop the Ball! Bark Not.

The same dog in Funny Moment 4 sometimes was a bit of a clown. Once I was playing with him, tossing around this large partially deflated ball.

I nearly fell over laughing when at one point it looked like he refused to drop the ball.

He couldn't because it was stuck in his mouth.

Bringing Down the House 2: Panels

Back in a previous post, I said I would post about bringing down the house. I was out at a costuming convention, and Jamie Berke was with me when I did a lifecasting panel. Lifecasting is the process of making a copy of your head and face by the use of alginate, plaster bandages, and bald cap, to list a few supplies. When I do panels, I involve the audience as well as pass around references, supplies, humor, and so on.

In this case, there was an Improv panel before mine, meaning they were a comedy improvisation panel. You can guess the rest.

I started out by a brief description of what's used and what to do and what not to do. Then I brought out my model, got him ready, mixed the alginate and applied to him. After that, it became more a Comedy Central panel than a lifecasting panel what with the humor the Improv people and I were throwing around, keeping everyone rolling in the aisles.

Once I was done with applying the plaster strips to the alginate-covered model, I sat down and let a few people draw on the drying plaster head with markers, thus bringing more laughter. As it turns out, the entire panel had just about every seat loaded and some people were standing in the back as well as in the doorway.

I then removed the entire mess from the model and showed the audience what it looked like inside. I didn't have time to pour the casting media in there as the curing time would take overnight. It was the end of the panel after a short question and answer period.

I later heard from a couple friends that they'd like to see me do the panel again. I think I could if those Improv people would invade. They helped in keeping the place rolling.

You Have To Be Hearing To Say Yikes!

Seek Geo's Deaf? YIKES!! got me laughing a bit. Sure, I've had my share of people who have said "I'm sorry" when they find I'm deaf. Nothing to be sorry about. Let's communicate!

Two of the most oddball things I'd ever heard, and fortunately, I've only heard them said once...
- Heard from a friend who heard it from someone else - "If I touch you, will I become deaf also?"
- This was from a Christian Scientist mother whose son I was friends with. She thought deafness was caused by spirits or something like that. She asked me if she could cure me. I didn't laugh, just thought I'd let her try. She then puts her fingers in my ears after I take off my hearing aids, says something which I've mostly forgotten, one part saying something about deaf spirits. But of course, no hearing improvement.

I even had one person who took one look at my hearing aids, tapped them, and said "are these things on?"

Maybe I should have tapped the other person in the forehead and ask "Is your brain on? Good. Same here. Don't tap me and I won't tap you."

Funny Moment 5: Delicious Hot Pizza!

I worked at this local pizza place as a delivery driver and sometimes had to make pizzas in between runs when we weren't that busy as well as other tasks. This one day, these two older ladies, one of our regulars, came in for lunch. They shared a small personal pizza and wanted jalapenos on it.

Later, I asked my manager how the pizza was for them, and he said it was a bit hot but good.

Should have seen his eyes bug out when I told him I used two scoops instead of one.

Funny Moment 6: Popcorn!

Some years ago, I was out at a computer show and was at the food counter to pick up a drink. A security guard was just leaving with some popcorn.

I couldn't resist.

"Ah, popcorn instead of donuts..."

I wonder what would happen if someone gave a bag of bagels to some cops.

Funny Moment 4: Bark Goes the Microwave

But of course, some of us have dogs like I had some years ago. Man's best friend. Remember the egg I blew up in the microwave in a previous post? My dog loved eggs. This one egg didn't pop, but you could see it shake. I managed to get it out of there, but it was too hot for me to hold, so it went rolling rolling rolling...

...onto the floor with a bit of a pop...

The dog loved it but he first had to get past the hot egg, ears laid back.

Funny Moment 3: Oh How Waffle!

There's always going to be days that someone forgets the basic rule of physics when heating up things in the microwave. Never keep a container tightly closed. I just had to make that mistake when I was in the kitchen alone late night some time ago. 30 seconds later after putting a closed and upside down bottle with the last of maple syrup, there's a puddle underneath. All I had to do was open it slightly over the pancakes.

*POP!* Impressive mess.

I just had on shorts and tshirt. I got it all over that plus my legs, the counter, and the floor.

Fortunately, it was an easy 5-minute cleanup and one minute change.

Hearing Aids vs Humans

I had to laugh when I read Eh? Huh? What?'s blog on What Not To Do With Your Hearing Aids.

I've had my share of broken tubing including ones that just plain split. In the split case, I was in class in high school and it was whistling the entire time. At the end of class, my interpreter told me. I wondered why no one told me at all.

Whatever happened to saving the dead batteries for recycling? Just fill up a small jar or something like that and go from there. Just don't toss it in the fire. I did that once at this camp and the resulting little explosion was interesting. For years I was wondering how big an explosion a 9V battery would have, as well as the big lantern batteries. A fireplace isn't the place to do it. Then i heard about this deaf camp where a couple kids tossed a couple dead batteries into the fire. Then there were the other kids who threw their batteries into the fire, even though they were still good.

Even I'm guilty of putting my hearing aid(s) into my pocket. I had a fairly good excuse when I was going to a local amusement park. It's great for when you're on the roller coaster. But I'd forgotten the plastic baggie and had to get a bag from a food counter when I was going to get on one of the wet water rides... Heck, best to double-bag just to keep the hearing aids dry. Most ride attendants won't even know what to do with them if you give it to them. It's rather easy to put them on the shelf, where a rider could easily toss something there, thus get crushed or dropped into the water...

Cleaning your earmolds with unconventional tools? What's wrong with using a pin (sewing or safety)? Sometimes even I've had to blow the tubing clear in some public places, hiding it in my hands and make it look like I'm blowing into them.